NASCAR Speedway Honors Rosa Parks with Moment of Relative Silence

Buntonville, NC – A moment of relaitve silence for civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks took place during a recent NASCAR race at the Buntonville Motor Speedway, sources reported Tuesday.

Parks, whose act of civil disobedience in 1955 inspired the modern civil rights movement, died Monday in Detroit, Michigan. She was 92. To honor her memory, sporting events all over the country held austere moments of silence the following weekend.

However, this was not the case at Buntonville’s annual Home Improvement Warehouse Pipefitter 500, one of the lesser-known stops on the NASCAR circuit.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” said race fan Curtis Shankster, 28, as he tore off a sleeveless ‘Wine me, Dine me, 69 me’ T-shirt and waved a half-full beer back and forth, spilling Coors Light on everyone around him during the moment of less-than-silent silence. “Geoff Bodine’s gonna whoop some Todd Martin ass todayyyyyyyyy, boy! And any a’you faggot-ass Mark Martin fans want to tell me otherwise, I got some whoop-ass of my own waitin’ for ya!”’

As the stadium announcer recounted Parks' moment in history, which began in December 1955 when she refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man in Montgomery, Alabama – and continued with her subsequent arrest that triggered a 381-day boycott of the bus system by blacks that was organized by a 26-year-old Baptist minister named Martin Luther King Jr. – other race fans remained less-than-silent.

"Cody! Cody!” hollered Evangeline-Sue “Evvie-Sue” Stoltz, 33, whistling with both index fingers jammed into her mouth to get the attention of her 20 year-old son, Cody, who was departing the seating area. “Go get your momma one a'them fried pork shoulder platters they done be selling over near the port-o-johns, y'hear? Whatcha mean you ain’t got no cash? Your pappy gave you ten bucks before we left? You spent it on fireworks? Whatcha mean you spent it on fireworks?! I told you that money was for momma’s pork and beer! What? Hey, don’t you flip off your momma!”

As the PA announcer reverently informed the 120,000 race fans that Parks’ boycott led to a court ruling desegregating public transportation in Montgomery, Stoltz added, “CODY, I’LL SNAP THAT MIDDLE FINGER OFF AND JAM IT RIGHT UP YOUR CRYSTAL METH-SMOKING ASS, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”