Tyson: "I Wish I Raped Everyone I've Ever Met In My Whole Life."

New York, NY – In a stark revelation during a recent ABC interview, former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson revealed that not only does he now wish he’d raped Desiree Washington in 1991, he now wishes he’d raped every single human being he’s ever seen, met, or had even minimal contact with, ever, in his entire lifetime.

"Yeah, um, that lady, what's her name? Who walked my dog that day one time? I wish I raped that bitch good," Tyson told a visibly shocked Greta Van Susteren. "And that Hilton bitch, what’s her name, Paris or Rome, I wanted to rape her one time but didn’t, I forget why, I think I was tired or something. And my cousin Veronica, she woulda' been good to rape. And my old mailman, Hank, back in Green Point [Brooklyn], I wish I’d raped him, too. That woulda' been funny, raping the mailman. His little mailman helmet woulda' fallen off and maybe I’d pick it up and wear it while raping him. Yeah, that woulda' been funny."

Upon hearing this outrageous statement, those on the set stood in a dead, stunned silence for nearly a full minute, one that was only broken by a lone, awkward cough from a nearby grip.

But Tyson went on listing his rape wish-list, undeterred.

"After this interview I’ll probably look back and say, 'Damn, why didn’t I rape that Greta Van Whatever bitch, too,' " Tyson continued. "That woulda' been funny, raping that Greta lady while she tried to ask me those stupid questions. I mean, yeah, um, raping everyone from my life is all I think about."

Tyson added: "Well, raping people and eating Coco Puffs. Koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs! Koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs! That cartoon bird is funny. I wanna rape that cartoon bird, too."

Other notables Tyson says he now wishes he’d raped while he had the opportunity include his bitch fourth grade teacher Ms. Hoffman (left), bitch choreographer Debbie Allen, Robin Givens’ greedy bitch mother, that fat Mexican bitch in that burrito place near the gym, that bitch Celine Dion, that Trista bitch from The Bachelorette, and former UN Secretary General Burtos Butros Gali.

"Oh, yeah," Tyson grinned, his gold tooth gleaming under the set lights, "He woulda' been real fun to rape. I’d be on toppa' him, ridin’ him, screaming, ‘Take this in your Butros, Gali!’ Get it? Take it in the Butros, Gali!? That woulda' been funny. Insuspucibably. overmagunamiously funny, know what I’m sayin?’"

A frightened Van Susteren said she did in fact know what he was saying, and then abruptly ended the interview, sprinted into a nearby dressing room, double-locked the door, and barricaded it with a dresser and coat rack.