Rag Readers' Poll

Former Minnesota Twins great Kirby Puckett (left, with attorney) was recently acquitted of sexual assault charges stemming from an incident in a Minneapolis restaurant in which he allegedly dragged a woman into a bathroom stall and fondled her.

What do Sports Rag readers think of Puckett’s recent legal troubles?

"I didn't catch any of the Puckett trial. But I did see the trial of a bespectacled manatee wearing an $800 suit who apparently assaulted some woman in a restaurant bathroom." – Peter A., Aurora, CO

"Look, the guy only has one good eye. Anyone could have mistaken the men's room for the ladies room, and that innocent, defenseless woman for a common street whore." – Dennis O., Homestead, FL, FL

"Hey, back off! He was acquitted. Which I guess means he and O.J. will now join forces to hunt for the 'real bathroom attacker' at golf courses all over America." – J. Edwards, Troy, MI

"That Kirby Puckett never acted this badly when he was with the Union Gap." – D.Jens, Santa Clara, CA

"Doctors say that husky people can become agitated and sexually aggressive if they've gone even three minutes without swallowing a Whopper™ whole." – Shelly T., St. Paul, MN

"Look, with Iraq, SARS, and Andrew Firestone facing the most important bachelorette decision of his young, strong-jawed, pampered life, I have enough to worry about right now." – Larry G., New Canaan, CT

"Bill Maher was discussing the trial on his show the other night. Which reminds me: does that old fucker Maher wear more makeup and powder than King Louis XIV or what?" -- M. Terry, New York, NY

"She was probably wearing a skimpy dress and throwing him all kinds of seductive looks, just like that little blue cocktease Smurfette did to me every Saturday morning when I was a kid." -- Michael P., Texarkana, AK