Pau Gasol Really Tiring of Coach Calling Him "Paul"

Memphis, TN – 23-year-old Memphis Grizzlies forward Pau Gasol is sick and tired of 69-year-old coach Hubie Brown (below, right) adding a superfluous "L" onto the end of his name and calling him "Paul," and is very close to completely losing it if Brown does it one more time, team sources reported.

"He [Gasol] let it slide for a while back when coach was new, but now you can tell he’s getting real pissed off," said Grizzlies’ forward, Lorenzen Wright.

"Coach [Brown] will yell, ‘Paul, you need to spot up here!’ or ‘Roll off the pick, Paul’ and Pau will just turn all red, and you know he’s about to get all kinds of crazy," Wright said. "We remind Coach that the dude’s name is ‘Pau’ all the time, but he never remembers."

Wright added: "I think the old motherfucker’s flat-out senile."

Gasol, the third overall pick out of F.C. Barcelona in the Spanish league who won the 2001-2002 NBA’s Rookie of the Year Award – finishing first among all rookies in scoring, rebounds, and field goal percentage – believes that although he is still relatively new to the league, he has earned the right to be called by the correct name.

"I accomplish much already," Gasol said in his ever-improving English. "I score, I rebound, I pass, I help team get better. Then Coach Brown come to team and he is very old and call me ‘Paul,’ ‘Paul,’ all the time, ‘Paul,’ everything ‘Paul, Paul, Paul.’ I kill him soon, I believe. I kill him to dead and will be screaming ‘My Name is Pau, old stupid man... Pau!’"

Gasol added: "I do not call him ‘Ubie’ or ‘Coach Rown.’ Why he cannot call me ‘Pau,’ without the ‘L?’ It is easy like child to understand, why cannot this stupid coach understand?"

Gasol then walked off, shaking his head, and, before leaving the Grizzlies’ practice facility, screamed "My name is Pau, god damn shit old man!" leapt high into the air and ripped down the rim with both hands, shattering the glass backboard into several million pieces.

While Brown was unavailable for comment, Wright reported that the coach is not the only one who has experienced some confusion with the pronunciation of the young Spaniard’s name.

"Is it pronounced like ‘Pow,’ or is it ‘Paw’ like a dog’s paw," Wright asked. "Or is it something really fucked up-sounding like ‘P’NapaGoo,’ or ‘P’Lou-Vay,’ you know, kinda like ‘Sade’ is pronounced ‘Shar-Day?’ I really ain’t got a clue."

"I just call him 'Frenchy.'"

When informed that Gasol is in fact from Spain, Wright just shrugged. "Whatever. Those Europe dudes all sound alike anyway."

As of press time, Gasol was reported to be equally incensed at several nicknames teammates have given him, including "Kung Pau," "Pau Wow," "T’Pau" and, for some reason, "K-Pax."