Bonus Rag Readers' Poll

Well, it seems the American people were especially chatty this week–and we swear it had nothing to do with the amphetamine brownies we served at a few recent focus groups. Anyhoo, what this means is, you, our loyal readers, get a Bonus Rag Readers’ Poll.

After 19 incredible years in the NBA, Michael Jordan has said that this will officially be his final season. So....

...What do Rag Readers think of Jordan’s decision to finally retire?

"It’s about time he stopped goofing around with basketball. Baseball has been running on fumes without the excitement of his .056 career minor league batting average." – Luke F., Birmingham, AL

"I wish I could stop working in order to spend more quality time with the nationwide legions of skanks I’ve bribed to keep quiet about all my extramarital humping." -- Terry J., Dover, NH

"As long as Jud Buechler keeps playing, this Jud Buechler fan is just fine, thank you very much." -- M. Moll, Boston, MA

"Dear God in heaven, did you just say ‘Crossing Jordan’ was cancelled? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!" – Louis J, San Mateo, CA

"Damn. The only reason I was even watching the NBA anymore was to see Michael’s arms snap off his body during a routine foul shot and the bloody stumps go flying into the stands." – L.Green, Westport, CT

"I hear that Bulls GM Jerry Krause will mark this historic occasion by eating a entire grain silo full of peanut brittle." – H. Jackson, Bloomington, IN

"Michael who?" – J. Bendall, Atlanta, GA