Colorado Springs, CO – Mirroring the heroic crusade of Martha Burk to force Augusta National Golf Club to admit female members, a local man is suing to join the U.S. Women's Olympic Swimming Team, USOC representatives reported Monday.

Mitchell Rodriguez (left) -- a single, 34-year-old newspaper delivery man who resides in his parents’ basement in nearby Deer Creek -- and his team of attorneys are fighting what they term the "exclusionary and discriminatory practices of the USOC, which, through years of blatant gender bias, has never allowed a man to join a women's team, or even enter the locker room just to take a look around."

Their prime target in the case is USOC Women's Swimming Chairperson Kathryn Hansen, who for years has been an outspoken opponent of allowing men to participate in Women's Swimming.

"First off all," Hansen said, after learning of the Rodriguez lawsuit, "the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution grants every club the right to choose with whom they wish to freely associate, so, by extension, it also protects the freedom not to associate. And while the USOC has never excluded based on race, color, religion or creed, we simply must draw the line at gender."

"Because let's be honest here," Hansen continued, "Mr. Rodriguez has no interest in becoming an actual Olympic swimmer. He doesn't even like the water. I think this is just a big, elaborate scheme to let a very sad, lonely man see our female swimmers in various states of undress."

"‘Perv’ might be too strong a word to describe Mr. Rodriguez, but, well, it’s darn close," she added.

Upon hearing Hansen's comments, Rodriguez's lead attorney, Marshall Terry, vehemently refuted her claim that his client doesn't swim, saying they have documented proof that he once drove past a Sandy Springs, Utah YMCA pool with his family back in 1976. However, he did concede that Rodriguez has been "increasingly interested" about women's swimming ever since seeing former Olympian and three-time gold medalist Dara Torres in a late-night Tae Bo infomercial.

"He won't stop talking about how much he liked watching Ms. Torres' lean, tan, lithe swimmer's body glistening with sweat as she does Tae Bo, " said Terry. "He seemed especially enamored with how high she could kick her smooth, yet muscular legs over her own head. He keeps asking me if I can arrange a 'courting date' with her, but I keep reminding him that I do not personally know Ms. Torres."

"Come to think of it, he is starting to creep me out a bit," he added.

Nevertheless, Terry still insists that this case is about far larger social issues than the personal freedoms of one man.

"It's about all of our freedoms," said Terry. "The USOC is one of the most hypocritical institutions I have ever seen. They're making a mockery out of the First Amendment by not granting our client his constitutionally-protected right to be free from exclusion, to be accepted, and, of course, to gawk at hot, toned, naked young women changing in and out of their bathing suits"

Terry said he plans to allow time for the USOC to work within the organization to bring about change before he takes additional legal steps. But he insisted he would not back down. "It only ends when men everywhere are allowed the same access to the swimming facilities that women enjoy, and by 'access' I mean everything from standing in a corner and staring like a psycho, to playfully snapping their rock-hard buttocks with towels, to administering pre- and post-practice hot oil, full-body rubdowns."

"That's what the founding fathers of this great nation would have wanted," Terry concluded.

While Rodriguez's case is still pending in a Colorado Springs appellate court, Terry has sent letters to more than two hundred USOC Governing Board members who are also heads of major corporations, asking them to take a stand on the issue.

As of Tuesday, however, Terry said he had received only one response, from Hustler magazine Founder and Chairman, Larry Flynt (right), who promised that he would support Rodriguez's heroic crusade to "get into that women's locker room and enjoy his constitutionally-protected right to take Polaroids and spy-cam video of hot, girl-on-girl, Olympic swimmer action."