Brighton, MA -- Hoping to cut down on expenses, former NFL quarterbacks and first round disappointments Ryan Leaf and David Klingler recently contacted Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Akili Smith to see if he wanted to move in with them, Leaf reported Tuesday.
As of press time, Smith had yet to return the call.
"Dave just got laid off from his delivery guy job at Boston Market, and my own gig at Best Buy isn't going too great, either," Leaf (left) said, pouring a packet of Ramen® powdered shrimp flavor into a small, well-worn pot that rested on a two-burner hot plate. "So we figured that even though it's a one-bed, and two of us would have to sleep on couches, we'd see if Akili wanted to bunk up with us. That way, we could split the $900 [per month rent] three ways, two hundred bucks each."After stirring the noodles a few times, Leaf paused, then sheepishly added, "I mean three hundred bucks each."
Leaf and Klingler, who both moved to the northeast to escape the reminders of their colossal failures in San Diego and Cincinnati, respectively, were surprised that Smith hadn't yet returned their call. But they were even more shocked to learn that Smith is still playing, albeit as a third stringer who is barely hanging on to his so-f
ar disappointing NFL career."Are you serious?" asked Klingler, who was on his way out to the Harvard Ave. Dunkin Donuts, where he'd seen a "Help Wanted: Overnight Muffin Shift" poster earlier in the week. "Wow, I thought for sure that Akili was just bumming around by now. You sure about that?"
When assured that Smith was, in fact, still collecting an NFL paycheck, Klingler just shook his head. "Wow," he repeated. "Maybe we'll give [Rick] Mirer a call?"
Leaf and Klingler have until the end of December to find a third roommate. And they're fearful that if they don't recruit someone to help cover the rent, they might be evicted.
"Todd [Blackledge, 1983 Chiefs first pick and current landlord of the #22 Brighton Ave apartment complex] said he couldn't cut us any slack anymore," a tanktop t-shirt-clad Leaf said as he ate his Ramen dinner directly out of the pot using two Bic pens as chopsticks. "But hopefully Mirer will come through. I mean, the last thing we want is to get totally desperate and be forced to call non-quarterbacks.""But shit," Leaf shrugged, "at this point, we're not too picky. If Aundray Bruce or Johnny 'Lam' Jones has the scratch to cover the rent, we'll take him in a heartbeat."