Dennis Miller’s Wife Wants Monday Nights Back

 Garcia Readies For Tee Shot, Starves To Death
Atlanta, GA -- Medical personnel and PGA officials report that Spanish golf star Sergio Garcia, known for his ceaseless pre-shot gripping routine, eventually passed away from severe malnutrition and dehydration. (Full Text)

Boxer Simply Walks Up To Ring, Steps In
Reno, NV -- Daniel Feldman, the World Boxing Association's twelfth-ranked contender in the Featherweight division, entered the ring by doing nothing more than walking up some stairs and stepping in, sources reported Tuesday. (Full Text)

Fantasy Campers Narrowly Defeat Devil Rays Legends
Tampa, FL -- Attendees of a recent Tampa Bay Devil Rays Fantasy Baseball Camp, winners of a local promotional contest, just managed to defeat a team comprised of the team's all-time greats, sources reported Monday. (Full Text)

White Sox to Rethink Shirtless, Jailhouse-Tattooed, Mulleted, Inbred Father-and-Son Night
Chicago, IL -- Front office executives and Public Relations officials for the Chicago White Sox report that in a surprise move, the team is seriously reconsidering the continuation of their popular "Shirtless, Jailhouse-Tattooed, Mulleted, Inbred Father-and- Son" Night promotion for next season. (Full Text)
Palmeiro Teammates Claim Penis Moved In Shower
Nets Fans Actually Paid Extras, Sources Say
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