MLB All-Star Game Tie

The recent MLB All-Star game in Milwaukee ended in disappointing fashion after managers Joe Torre and Bob Brenly used all of their players, forcing embattled commissioner Bud Selig to declare a tie. What steps would Rag Readers have taken to resolve the game?

"Choose two players from each team, have them toss Ted Williams’ decapitated, frozen head for both distance and accuracy." -- Mitch Z., Kansas City

"Put Torre and Brenly in those big bratwurst costumes…but instead of having them race around the field, just cover them in honey and fill the costumes with African fire ants. Whichever manager screams in blinding agony first, loses." -- Ariel T., Portsmouth, NH

"Father used to say that winning was overrated and effort is wasted, a philosophy I’ve adopted while lying in bed all day eating Funyans® and watching my gelatinous body expand to manatee-like proportions." -- Louis J., San Pedro, CA

"Okay, um, they could have had the baseball men kick the puck through those goalpost thingys with…what does ‘tie’ mean again?" -- Danny P., Skokie, IL

"Sosa and Bonds could have whipped themselves into a steriod-fueled frenzy and taken turns smashing Selig’s skull in like an overripe pumpkin. The game would have stayed tied, but, man, I’d like to see that." -- H.Pearson, Boston, MA

"Speaking of tying, does anyone know how to tie one of those complex sailor’s knots that would prevent, say, a 184 lb. male from waking from a chloroform coma and untying himself from a radiator? Any help within the next forty-three seconds would be appreciated." -- Larry, Austin, TX

You can almost hear the crickets chirping inside this man’s skull.