Atlanta, GA – Taking advantage of both his love of NASCAR racing and his chronic lack of personal hygiene, race fan JD Krudwig recently attended the NAPA 500 at Atlanta Motor Speedway. And, afterward, he took a shower.

NASCAR officials confirm that the shower marked the third or possibly fourth fan-bathing incident this year.

Mr. Krudwig, a native of Wheeling, West Virginia, explained the reasoning behind his unexpected use of the free campground showers, added to the speedway in 1997 as part of a $7 million renovation project.

"It’s about 692 miles to Atlanta, Gee-A from my trailer out back the asbestos plant in Wheeling – that’s up yonder in Pennsyltucky–so I was pretty well soiled-up by the time I got to the track," said Krudwig, drying his flabby, badly sunburned torso with the filth-encrusted "#3 Intimidator" T-shirt worn for the entire journey behind the wheel of his 1981 Ford El Camino. "But then I saw them fancy outdoor hotwater showers here and I thought, ‘Shoot, I done paid good money for my ticket, I can use them showers if I wanna and none of them sumbitches can stop me, and iff’n they try they’ll get a big ol’ fist fulla Krudwig.’"

Mr. Krudwig then finished wiping some sort of tobacco–or blood–stain from under his chin and popped open another Pabst Blue Ribbon tallboy, which he chugged greedily before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and adding, to no one in particular, "Sumbitches’ll learn to mess with JD Krudwig, goddammit."

Most pro sports organizations–while providing common amenities like bathrooms and concession stands–do not feel the need to equip their stadiums with full bathing facilities for the average ticket-holder. This, according to NASCAR Vice President of Marketing, Heffro Tindall, is because most sports have the advantage of knowing that their fans will arrive at stadiums pre-bathed, proving that they simply aren’t in touch with the average fan the way NASCAR is.

"NASCAR has the most loyal, knowledgeable, passionate fans in the world of sports," Tindall said. "They’ll follow their favorite drivers all over the circuit, from Talladega to Loudon, New Hampshire and back, usually in dilapidated campers, pickups, or those bizarre truck/car mutations, like Mr. Krudwig’s El Camino there. The showers in our campgrounds are just our way of providing the top-notch services they need–and deserve–to enjoy their NASCAR experience to its fullest."

"Plus," Tindall added, "the networks insisted we do something to clean up some of these hillbillies for TV. I mean, have you seen these people? I suggested just blasting the whole infield with a firehose on race day, but the board thought we’d get sued. So we went with the showers.

"Like they do any good," he whispered while gesturing with his head at the nearby Mr. Krudwig, pinching his nose, and waving his hand in front of his face to indicate the presence of an extremely foul odor.

On the heels of the success of the infield showers in Atlanta, other NASCAR venues are planning additional renovations to make their fans feel more comfortable. These include littering the infield with household appliances in various states of disrepair, hiring child actors to roam shirtless and muck-covered about the grounds, and inviting film crews from Cops to film spectators on race day.

Changes which, according to Krudwig, enhance his NASCAR experience. "Hell ya, I like them showers. And seeing them shit-smeared young’uns runnin’ loose makes me feel right at home."

"And they done gave everyone these here NASCAR necklaces, free," Krudwig added, proudly pointing to the Hartz 2-in-1 collar around his neck.

Shower-less Atlanta Motor Speedway prior to renovations.