Because we at the Sports Rag exchanged our perfectly functional kidneys for stage-side seats at the recent NBA draft – tickets that, in retrospect, we probably could have gotten for about ten bucks seconds before it started -- we thought we’d provide our loyal readers with an insider’s view of the evening.

The Top 10 Things Overheard at the NBA Draft:

10. "Am I buzzed, or did Hubie Brown’s hairpiece just growl and take a swipe at Quinn Snyder?"

9. "I can’t wait to buy a house for my mama, and my mama, and my mama, and my grandma, and my grandma, and my mama,
and my other mama."

8. "I hear they have a sniper watching the door in case Vitale tries to get in."

7. "(Insert something funny in Mandarin Chinese here)."

6. "Nikolozvaischki who? From Eastern Baltic Latvian Zongolian where? Oh fuck this, I’m leaving."

5. "TNT has learned that Clippers GM Elgin Baylor was huffing Raid® fumes prior to drafting two more power forwards. Let’s go to the video…."

4. "And with the 13th pick in the 2002 NBA draft, the Milwaukee Bucks select….Casey Jacobsen’s totally smokin’ hot girlfriend."

3. "Holy Christ! Jerry Krause just stuffed four hot dogs into his mouth and got his arm in up to his elbow!"

2. "In a shocking development, 4th grade church league phenom Mikey Cole is still undrafted and waiting in the Green Room."

1. "Say this ten times fast. . . 'Nene Hilario just grabbed David Stern’s dickau.'. . . .'Nene Hilario just grabbed David Stern’s dickau.' "