Dallas, TX – Despite his team’s season having ended several weeks ago, dotcom billionaire and Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, is still trying really hard to hang out with his players, sources say.

"Dude calls me all the time," said a clearly exasperated Michael Finley, who averaged 20.6 points per game for the Mavericks in 2002. "Last night I thought it was [good friend and teammate Dirk] Nowitzki, and I picked up. But it was Cuban again, inviting me to margarita night at Applebee’s or some shit. I’ll never make that mistake again."

"And if he sends me one more email titled ‘Wassup?," Finley continued, "I’m suing Hotmail."

Echoing Finley’s frustration, numerous Mavericks’ players have confirmed that a sighing, severely depressed-sounding Cuban has also called them nearly every day since Dallas was ousted by the Sacramento Kings in the Western Conference semifinals.

According to point guard Steve Nash, the owner has been known to suggest everything from miniature golf outings to paintball wars to getting a Fribble at Friendlys. But mostly, Nash said, Cuban has no specific plans whatsoever, and simply calls to see if his players want to "I don’t know, do something."

"Maybe he thinks we’re all buds because he acts like a nut at the games, screams at the refs, and gets fined and stuff," Nash guessed. "But Christ almighty, does he have to invite me to Six Flags every fucking weekend? I usually tell him I have to shoot a Nike commercial all month. Then he’ll call the very next day and say ‘I thought you said you were shooting a Nike commercial all month’ and I’ll have to make something else up."

"The guy is killing me."

Cuban, who made his original fortune by selling Broadcast.com to Yahoo–and has skillfully retained his millions, a rarity in the volatile dotcom age–doesn’t limit his awkward attempts at friendship to just incessant phone calls. He is often spotted trying to visit players who are not at home–or have fled upon spotting him–which typically results in Cuban peering into windows, sitting on front steps resting his chin in one palm and occasionally checking his watch, or purposely throwing a Frisbee® or a Nerf® football into backyards and subsequently scaling 12’ security walls to retrieve the purposely errant object.

"One time I was having a family barbecue and he [Cuban] comes flying over my pool in a helicopter," said guard Nick Van Exel, acquired by Dallas in a midseason trade with the Denver Nuggets, and a relative newcomer to Cuban’s ham-fisted efforts to hang with his players. "He lowers himself down on this big rope ladder and says he was ‘just in the neighborhood.’ Pretty soon he’s walking around, trying to hug and high-five everyone, even my grandma. The guy’s got some serious abandonment issues."

When asked about Cuban, who greeted her with a bear-hug and a series of clumsy "urban" handshakes, Van Exel’s grandmother, Millie Johnson, simply replied, "That strange white man scared me."

Despite most Maverick players now setting their guard dogs loose, calling in bomb threats, faking seizures, fleeing through the back woods, or simply closing the curtains and hiding in the basement until he just stops knocking and goes away, Cuban has remained steadfast in his desire to cultivate meaningful, off-court relationships with them.

"Once about three in the morning he just stood there ringing my apartment buzzer over and over and head-butting my door," Nash said. "I had just rented Fear–you know, when Mark Wahlberg goes batshit on Reese Witherspoon–so that really creeped me out."

Some speculate that Cuban’s relative lack of athletic ability or "nerdish" corporate background might be at the root of his enthusiasm to connect with pro athletes who clearly have no intention of ever spending time with him. But when asked, Nash just shrugged.

"I don’t know about that." But then Nash’s eyes narrowed and his voice took on a dark, ominous tone.

"But I do know this: Mark Cuban is relentless, Mark Cuban is smart, and if Mark Cuban ever asks you if you’re free Thursday night, for the love of God, say no, or you’ll find yourself at fucking Dave & Buster’s singing an ‘Islands in the Stream’ karaoke duet. Trust me on this one."

Steve Nash, just one of many Mavs players harassed by Cuban.

A party-crashing Cuban descends into point guard Nick Van Exel’s backyard.