Inspired by our own penchant for passing out on beaches, in backseats of squad cars, and while joy-riding in stolen wheat combines – not to mention by Baltimore Orioles outfielder Marty Cordova, who was held out of a game when doctors advised him to avoid the sun after he’d overslept in a tanning bed and burnt himself – here is this week’s Sports Rag Bonus Top Ten List:

TOP TEN MOST COMMON BASEBALL INJURIES

10. Smashed $90,000 monogrammed Ferrari golf cart into giant pile of solid gold bricks, tore rotator cuff

9. Rabies from underage prostitute bite

8. Arm fell asleep while napping during pre-game Shiatzu massage and steamed banana leaf & volcanic guava mud facial wrap

7. Cornea scratched by spiked heel (most common if player’s name is "Finley, Chuck")

6. Ruptured hamstring while halfheartedly jogging out grounder

5. Tried to lift huge fucking gut out of La-Z-Boy, slipped disc (middle relievers only)

4. Dropped money clip on foot, broke fifth and sixth metatarsels

3. Freakish testicular gigantism due to Creatine overuse

2. Concussion after slipping in hot tub, butting heads with Hooters’ waitress

1. Not injured...just so very, very tired