Carlsbad, CA – A fantasy football mock draft for the Gridiron Madman League that was held last Sunday contained an unusual and startling absence of mocking, participants reported.
"We had pizza, beer, everything was business as usual," said Madman League commissioner, Bill Cronin. "But when [fellow GM Bob] Weeks took Drew-freakin’-Bledsoe with the fourth overall pick, no one made a peep."
"In fact," Cronin added, "The only thing someone said was ‘good pick, Bob.’ It was just...eerie."
The Gridiron Madman League, made up of twelve coworkers at a local investment bank, has been in existence since 1988. That, says Cronin, may be the cause of the outright apathy and disturbing lack of smacktalk.
"When we started this thing back in the day, draft night meant getting all coked up, blowing lines off of hookers’ tits, spraying champagne, and, of course, tearing each others picks apart like the madmen we were." Cronin then shrugged and scratched his shockingly receding hairline. "But maybe we’ve just outgrown it. I mean, calling a guy who just got laid off or is going through a bitter divorce a ‘dumbass Jeff George-drafting loser’ just doesn’t seem so funny anymore."
"And," he continued, "the fact that most of us are recovering drug addicts doesn’t exactly make for a carnival-like draft atmosphere, either."
Fellow league member Ken Keyes agreed with Cronin, saying that while league members once prided themselves on stealing a pick out from under a competitor’s nose or finding that late round sleeper, they just don’t seem to be paying much attention anymore. Case in point, his selection of former Ravens running back Jason Brookins in the early second round.
"The guys just nodded, sighed, and wrote his name in their charts. Admittedly, when I chose Brookins, I was thinking about having to check in with my AA sponsor after meeting with my wife and her goddamn lawyer. But still, I should have been mocked to shreds for that one." Keyes then took a sip of his O’Douls non-alcoholic beer before adding, "Oh where has all the mocking gone?""
As of press time, the disturbingly smack-free draft is still in progress in the fourth round, the most recent selections being long-retired Colts defensive lineman Art Donovan, deceased professional wrestler Andre the Giant, fictional television character "Schneider" from One Day at a Time, and a stray cat that someone saw lying dead in an alley last week.