Boston, MA – Admitting a highly embarrassing security error, officials at Massachusetts General Hospital confirmed today that Chadwick Tremain, the African-American 12th Man on the Harvard Crimson basketball team, and Tre’Mayne Jefferson, the Caucasian 12th Man on the Georgetown Hoya squad, were accidentally switched at birth nearly twenty years ago.
"We apologize if this has caused any confusion in the basketball world," said clearly shaken MGH spokesperson, Sara Gray-Whiting. "It’s especially embarrassing considering one baby was black and the other was white and all"
"We usually tell them apart pretty good around here," she said.
While the two men lived more than twenty years without once suspecting the mistake–despite having parents of a completely different race, creed and color than themselves –Jefferson’s Hoya teammates were always suspicious of the blonde haired, blue eyed, pasty white 2-guard.
"White boy could ball, yo," said Senior Center Jarrod Ashburn. "He had a mad crossover, some serious ups, so I knew something was wacked. And he was tough, from growing up in Southeast [D.C.] and all that. But he sure didn’t look like no ‘Tre’Mayne’ to me. More like a ‘Trevor.’"
Harvard Crimson Co-Captain Jiff Parker echoed Ashburn’s confusion when speaking of the tie-wearing, briefcase-carrying Tremain. "Chad’s from [affluent Boston suburb] Wellesley, he’s at Harvard and–I don’t mean to be un-P.C. here–but he’s a black fellow, but get this, when it comes to basketball he’s mediocre at best. It just didn’t add up."
While coaches and teammates alike were justifiably baffled, experts say the outcome of MGH’s twenty-year-old mistake is not the least bit surprising.
"It’s a classic case of nature versus nurture," said Harvard sociology professor Dr. Benjamin Raynes, Ph.D. "On one hand we have young Chadwick, an African-American raised in whitebread, polo-playing Wellesley, and on the other hand we have young Tre’Mayne, a Caucasian who balled every day in the tough, predominantly black D.C projects. Chadwick, despite possessing the genetic makeup, never had a chance at possessing the mad skillz, killer crossover, and serious ups of his white counterpart. The sociological and physical results were inevitable."
Raynes then added: "And did you see their elementary school class pictures? Those were hilarious. Talk about sticking out like sore thumbs."
A computer-generated likeness of Tremain had the accidental switch never occured.
Tremain today.
Liliy-white Georgetown guard Tre'Mayne Jefferson.