El Paso, TX – In what is becoming an all-too-familiar occurrence in the sports world lately, another coaching candidate has been eliminated from consideration after inaccuracies on his resume were revealed.

Lou Davies, the former Tulane Offensive Coordinator rumored to be at the top of a short-list for the University of Texas-El Paso head coaching position, admitted Tuesday that he falsified "Some of…Okay, a whole lot….Okay, a shitload" of his resume.

"Out of respect for the UTEP program and my family, I must withdraw from this opportunity," the thirty-seven-year old Davies told reporters Tuesday. "Maybe I shouldn’t have said I won the Purple Heart in Vietnam, seeing as I would have been three years-old at the time"

"Didn’t think they’d do the math on that one," he added.

Davies’ biography in the Tulane media guide also listed him as holding a Ph.D in Sports Psychology from Yale University, being a champion bullfighter, having circumnavigated the globe in a hot air balloon, having won four Super Bowls with the Pittsburgh Steelers, having invented the door knob, and being able to both breathe underwater without an oxygen tank and communicate via second-sight with the dead.

"Looking back, the whole ‘talking to dead people’ thing was pushing it," Davies conceded. "But not being able to communicate with the spirit world has no bearing on my coaching ability. I think they’re being a little anal, don’t you?"

When asked if he’d knowingly embellished his background, Davies said that UTEP had simply misconstrued his credentials. But UTEP Athletic Director Stew Madison disagreed. "Everyone has fudged a resume here and there," Madison said. "But he had to have known that we'd verify things like him being an Apollo 13 astronaut and the first 'Darren' on Bewitched."

Madison said that a red flag was also raised on the coach's application when, in response to Have You Ever Been Convicted of a Violent Crime?, Davies wrote "Define violent."

Despite the conflicting information, Madison still felt Davies' record on the field spoke for itself, and was set to announce him as the new coach Tuesday. "Then they read that I'd been a political dissident in 1940s Stalinist Russia and spent thirteen years in a Siberian death-gulag," Davies shrugged. "I must have been drunk when I came up with that one."

UTEP had no choice but to rescind the offer the next day.

Madison said UTEP’s search was conducted in good faith, and they admired Davies’ skills as a coach, but the school's reputation was at risk had the hiring had gone through. "Plus, the man is obviously quite insane," he said.

After the press conference ended, however, Madison fondly recalled one of Davies’ more ambitious claims: being the original bass player for "Foghat" (pictured). "Woo-boy," Madison chuckled, shaking his head. "That was a whopper."

Coach Davies, displaying the ball signed by the1975 Pittsburgh Steelers, whom he allegedly quarterbacked to four Super Bowl victories.

Russian leader and longtime political enemy of Coach Davies, Joseph Stalin.