Chicago, IL – Just days after the first NBA-sanctioned workout for Chinese center Yao Ming, held at Loyola University and attended by representatives of 24 of 29 NBA teams, NBA Director of Operations Stu Jackson immediately issued a strict gag order to sportswriters on rhyming the 7’5" center’s name "Yao" with the unimaginatively hyperbolic word "Wow!" in any headline.

"Yes, Yao showed tremendous athleticism, fundamental skill, and great speed for a man of his size," Jackson said. "But come on now, people: can’t you fucking idiots think of anything better to use in your headlines than ‘Wow!’?"

Jackson also announced that any print or online sports publications would face fines of up to $50,000 for allowing their writers to use the phrase "Yao-za!," as well as the not rhyming, but equally as uninspired phrases "Yao-a-Palooza!," "Chairman Yao!," or "Ming-Bling!"

As of press time, there was no word on whether using "Shanghai Surprise!" in headlines or photo captions would be grounds for a fine.

Shanghai Surprise!