Fellated Duke Coach, Witness Reports
Durham, NC – Minutes after working a Duke 82-66 victory over St. Johns this past season, ACC Referee Ed LeGrande allegedly provided oral pleasure to Duke Head Coach Mike Kryzewezski in a janitor’s closet adjacent to the Blue Devil locker room.
"I heard moaning and thought 'Shit, Dunleavy's purging again,'" said the witness, Duke Assistant Trainer, Billy Houst. "But then I saw Coach K, and his face was all red and scrunched up more than normal, and then I saw the black and white stripes and just went ‘oh no, not again.’"
While ACC Director of Officiating Terrence Stanley expressed concern over the alleged sexual indiscretion of one of his officials, he stood by the league’s strict "Please Try Not To Blow Coach K If You Can Help It, Okay Guys?" policy, which is taught to all young referees in instructional camps (picture right).
"Aside from the countless times Coach Kryzewezski has received oral favors from referees, broadcasters, and university officials alike during the past decade of Duke’s egregiously preferential basketball dominance, any fellatio incident involving an official and Coach K is an isolated one."
Stanley then resumed masturbating to ESPN Classic footage of Christian Laettner's buzzer-beating jumper that sealed Duke’s 1992 NCAA tournament victory over Kentucky.
Upon learning of the alleged referee-to-Coach K head-giving-session, St. Johns Coach Mike Jarvis didn’t seem overly surprised. "Look at the stat sheet from that game. We went 2-4 from the line, they went 55-61. LeGrande might as well have blown him [Kryzewzski] right on the court."
ACC referees-in-training watch anti-Coach K-head-giving instructional video.