Simsbury, CT – In the wake of controversial online auctions featuring the chewed gum of Arizona Diamondbacks’ slugger Luis Gonzalez, goatee clippings of Oakland A’s pitcher Tim Hudson, and the bone chips of Seattle Mariners' reliever Jeff Nelson, eBay put an entire baseball player up for bid Tuesday. With a last-minute bid of $3,237, Daniel Lynch, 45, of Simsbury, CT, trumped all participants to win Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ relief pitcher Esteban Yan.

Yan was delivered to Mr. Lynch’s Hartford-area home Thursday via eBay’s official carrier, UPS, just in time for Lynch's son’s birthday.

"Dad brought in this huge box on one of those hand-carts, and I definitely thought it was a minibike," said Aaron Lynch, 13. "But when I opened it, it was just this big black dude packed in plastic and bubble wrap." At which point, Yan, who came completely assembled with a glove, ball, and his #43 Devil Rays uniform, suddenly opened his eyes and started frantically clawing at the thick plastic in which he’d been vacuum-sealed for shipment.

"That was freaky," said the younger Lynch, who eventually poked out a few air holes with a pen.

At his father’s urging, Aaron has since played catch with Yan every day after school, and taken the 27-year-old pitcher to Orange Julius at the West Farms Mall and to a boy-girl party at friend Jessica Levy’s house. "Dad said that he [Yan] was just sitting all alone in the den, so I should invite him to Jess’s party." At the Levy’s, according to Aaron, Yan "had about twenty Zimas and was all over Jessica’s mom."

Sharon Levy, 43, has filed sexual assault charges against both Yan and the Lynch family.

A recent outing to see Spider Man was also less-than-successful. "He doesn’t speak English so good," Aaron said of the Dominican native, "and kept asking me stuff real loud like ‘Which one be ‘the Goblin?’ and 'Why the spider-boy is become radioactive?' We got kicked out halfway through."

While the authenticity of recent eBay auction items -- such as Gonzalez’s already-been-chewed gum -- has been challenged, Calvert Green, eBay chief legal advisor, verified that Mr. Lynch received the original. "I've got DNA samples, and a notarized affidavit from [Devil Rays SVP of Baseball Operations and General Manager] Chuck LaMar stating that this is an authentic Esteban Yan. Other than Mr. Yan being seven years older than his birth certificate states, he is one hundred percent legit."

In response to Mrs. Levy's assault charges, Green went on to say that once ownership of a live athlete is transferred, eBay bears no responsibility for any sexual assault, public intoxication, DUI, indecent exposure, domestic abuse, illegal drug possession, illegal weapons charges, vehicular homicide, property damage, or teenage pregnancy that may result. "After all, these are pro athletes we're talking about," he said.

While paying more than three-thousand dollars for a live baseball player seemed like a good idea at the time, Mr. Lynch is now not so sure. "He [Yan] was eager to play with Aaron at first. But you know kids and toys...Aaron lost interest after about a week. Now all Yan does is lie around in his underwear watching 'Telemundo.'"

"And I think he's sleeping with my wife," Lynch added.

Unable to get his money back due to eBay's strict no-return policies, Lynch recently stuffed Yan into a local Salvation Army drop box. As of press time, the pitcher -- 2-1 with a 5.51 ERA and six saves for the last-place Devil Rays -- is still awaiting removal.

Online auctioneer/human being-trafficker eBay.

Avon, CT theater from which Aaron Lynch and overly chatty birthday present, Esteban Yan, were ejected.