May 21, 2002 • Issue 2

Coaching Candidate Really, Really, Really Falsifies Resume

Man Wins Entire Baseball Player on eBay

Simsbury, CT – On the heels of controversial online auctions featuring the chewed gum of Arizona Diamondbacks’ slugger Luis Gonzalez, goatee clippings of Oakland A’s pitcher Tim Hudson, and the bone chips of Seattle Mariners reliever Jeff Nelson, eBay auctioned off an entire baseball player Tuesday. With a last-minute bid of $3,237, Daniel Lynch, 45, of Simsbury, CT, trumped all auction participants to win full-grown Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ relief pitcher Esteban Yan. (Full Text)

BONUS TOP TEN LIST
Joseph Kennedy Sr. Back From Dead, Will Buy Red Sox Title
Basketball Star Forgoes Final 14 Years Of Eligibility, Enters NBA Draft
Referee Fellated Duke Coach, Witness Reports
Durham, NC – Minutes after working a Duke 82-66 victory over St. Johns this past season, ACC Referee Ed LeGrande allegedly provided oral pleasure to Duke Head Coach Mike Kryzewezski in a janitor’s closet adjacent to the Blue Devil locker room. (Full Text)

NBA Declares Moratorium on Rhyming "Yao" with "Wow!"
(Full Text)

New Assistant Salary Cap Guru Wears Salary Cap Cap
Foxboro, MA – Danny Finneran, newly-hired Assistant to Patriots Salary Cap Guru Andy Wasynczuk, has been wearing a salary cap cap around the office, coworkers reported recently. (Full Text)
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